I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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