So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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