9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
