i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
