I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
