i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
