I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
