I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
