5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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