After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Randomize
