dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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