dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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