I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
