There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
