My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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