Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
