Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize