he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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