Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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