I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
