that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
