it's too hot outside to masturbate.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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