I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize