Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
