exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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