So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
