I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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