Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Houston, we have a blender
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Randomize
