PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
