apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
