i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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