well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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