why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
