also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
