Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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