I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
