Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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