in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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