its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
