Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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