so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
