im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
