Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
