CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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