Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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