isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
