You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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