I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
