Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
