Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
