Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
