his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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