drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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