just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
