Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
