I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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