wakey wakey hands off snakey
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
