She went from zero to smokin in five shots
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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