So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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