i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry about my life...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
