is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
