Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
