Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
