friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
