so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
