I look better un-naked...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
