saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
