I wish my penis had an off switch
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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