She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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