trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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