Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
