How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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