Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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