So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
