I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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