is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
