somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
